We are creative by Nature

This last weekend I gathered with 13 women to share my ideas around creativity, we visioned, we weaved our ideas, images, longings, and desires into vision boards…

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My understanding as a coach and yogi is that the very fabric of who we are is creative, our bodies are city of cells, a community of particles continually creating the human spacesuit and all its miracles.

Also our mind is creative, full of images, visions, concepts, ideas, this is where all discoveries are made. Creative mind is also collective, mind is one, I mean where do your ideas come from? Your thoughts? Where do they live? I feel they live in the collective pool of creation herself. We tap into this infinite pool, and depending on our interest, on our facet of focus, that is what pours forth.

Buddha said- “What we think becomes our reality- our truth, this then creates our words, our action, our behaviour and finally builds our character, and reality.

I notice us humans don’t always recognise our creative potential, that we can co create, that where our energy flows is where our focus goes, and what we put our focus on grows.

Most of us take our history as proof of the future, and we can learn from the past but why we think because we had negative experiences in the past, they will continue to appear in the future, in every moment we can choose how we respond to life.

So creativity… Creating the life your heart secretly longs for, what are the components?

As a coach I see there are two ways to create, one is masculine – setting goals, and driving through the obstacles with dogged determination, and never giving up until the outcome is achieved.

One is feminine, opening to what could be, gently leaning towards an outcome, going deep within, planting the seed and then letting go completely, almost forgetting the desire and trusting tat what we ask for is given.

I have worked with both of these approaches, and both work. I do love the effortless feminine approach, I will mediate and ask, then at some point the desire arrives.

I also feel the goal orientated approach on a daily basis get stuff done.

First we go deep into relaxation, meditation, then the ideas longings arise, then with heard and mind focused we ask, we plant the ideas as a positive statement of truth, with faith, not needing to know the HOW, then let go. I also feel we must go in the direction of the longing. For example, I wish to get fit. Well I plant the seed in my imagination, I also need to take some action, like go for a walk, hire a trainer.

What if we could consciously choose which approach might work in any circumstance?

In all the scriptures, the premise is, In the beginning there was God the word. When it comes to creation, what and how we talk about our desires is so powerful. The mouth and tongue are a tremendously potent place, most of our language is unconscious, we speak our beliefs as truth. So finally I invite you today to bring awareness to your longings, secretly what do you truly long for? How could you begin to bring this longing into the light of consciousness? Can you begin to speak of it?

Cosmic Ordering and How I found love against my limits

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Where does a girl start? It’s a brave place, (my girl energy that will share now), an open offering for all, but I am letting you know this is taking courage for me to show you, to be vulnerable, who I am.

 I am aware to know I am pure absolute… and this is my story.

So I have always had the belief I am of no value. This came about maybe from my start in life, I was adopted at the age of 5 months. The impact of the separation from mama was the engrained belief – There must have been something very wrong with me for that to have happened. In all the research – over 25 years, I have studied informs that when the child tries to make sense of what happened, they will mostly always decide it is their fault. A defect. So I spent most of my adult life firstly believing I was unloveable. Since the age of 22, I began healing work on myself. Self help books, the first being Louise Hays’, You can heal your life, this book had a huge impact on me at 22, “You’ve got to learn to love yourself” was the main theme,this infuriated me, I had no idea how to do this.

Louise advised affirmations, I am lovable, loving and loved, my brain thought I was a liar, there would then be a war in my head intensifying the original beliefs, which were the opposite- I’m a freak, I’m unloveable etc…

I then got into buddhism, I read the Tibetan Book of living and Dying, this one was the one that woke me up. I began to realise this reality of life was all a perception, a projection of my thoughts and beliefs, and that every action had a perfect and loving reaction. Things began to slowly change. Without going into my whole journey, I spent the rest of my twenties experiencing loveless relationships, mostly because somehow I couldn’t connect with myself and accept that my needs and feelings were ok to have and that they might be lovely feelings and worthy of being heard.

I actually think somewhere along the way women have misunderstood the difference between being needy and sharing your feelings. Not acting them out. Being somehow in a space of knowing they have some value and also owning them, and that having needs is ok, infact it’s a very human. I’m 46 and its taken this long for me to begin to honour them.

Back then I hid them from men and would somehow pretend I was ok, I was independent, I would ask nothing of them and feel devastated when it didn’t work out. There was no soul connection, as I hid what I was feeling and therefore who I was.

Again research does state that adoptees find it difficult to have intimate relationships due to trust, and it is challenging, I do get triggered, I have to be vigilant, and really take care of myself.

So here’s the bit I guess you single people may wanna know, firstly – who knows when the time is perfect to find love, and what works for one, may not work for another. I did decide though with every fibre of my being that I was ready to find intimate lasting love and I gave my heart and soul to it.

I began by asking my close family to pray for me, I heard through the Kundalini Yoga tradition as taught by Yogi Bhajan, bless his soul that there was a prayer called So Purkh- meaning The Primal One, that had been given by Guru Ram Dass the 4th Sikh Guru, the Guru of the heart, for a woman to find a God loving husband. Now when a yogi speaks of god- we mean love. We mean absolute love. To find a man who wants to love, love a woman deeply, love his family, his community and himself. That means a man who wants to learn to self improve, to grow, evolve, to awaken from his limits. Not much to ask. The prayer was also to heal all past relationships with men, as well as men in the family, male friends and past life karmas and for all the masculine on the planet. So I was doing everyone a favour! It was in Gurumuki, a derivative of Sanskrit, and every word was an unfamiliar word to me,that I had to listen to over and over again. It took me 6 months to learn the whole stanza. I also at the same time, joined an online dating site, asked friends, who some I think had told me I was too fussy, to look out for me, I knew I had to take action. And action I took.

With this cosmic ordering thing there are elements to consider.

  1. You have to believe it to see it.  (This was so challenging as my consciousness had no proof as yet.)
  2. Start to take action, now it won’t arrive in the way you think, but show willing to the universe.
  3. Go for it even when you tell yourself it won’t change or shift. The invisible work is happening.
  4. Repetition, this creates a spiritual heat called Tappas, not the stuff you eat but an energetic fire, Jap, meaning to repeat. Over and over until your mind unconscious, conscious catches up with what you want. Really, this is the key, Jap Jap Jap. Practise.
  5. Finally let go. Trust, Faith, curiosity to gently navigate yourself through the highs and the lows but do not give up.

As I progressed I went on some super hysterical dates and met some amazing men, I was starting to really like men, before that I had always felt they were another species that I had nothing to relate to, I began to get more attention, and affection from men, it was delightful.

Then a mutual friend of my now partner Wayne bumped into me one day and mentioned we might be a good fit, well we started to talk on the Facebook wonder, and when I saw his face, I had such a strange feeling. No attachment, or fear, just a deep knowing that I would meet this man one day and that was it. Months later after a few conversations he said he was reading this book “Call off the Search”  that Waynes friend Danielle Marchant had recommended, By Anna and Andrew Wallas, a love story all about how these two people got together, the book was around the idea of how we avoid intimacy as it makes us vulnerable, and as humans we protect our ego from vulnerability / pain at any cost. I read the book, so excited to be talking with a man who was considering all of this.

Time passed and one day he emailed me asking would I be interested in joining him in London ( He’s from Cornwall) to participate in a workshop run by Andrew Wallas The Modern Day Wizard, called Intimacy or Independence! OMG I felt so blessed, what a first date.

Wayne came to London and stayed with me, our mutual friend gave us dinner and the moment I saw him I felt an ease and attraction.

The course was amazing, infact any workshop Andrew Wallas does is amazing, while there, before anything happened really I felt immense rivers of love in my heart, like I’d never felt and again I felt so still and centred. I guess because of the course material we were given these tools, or points of reference from which to communicate, and I just found myself for the first time with a man, speaking my truth, my feelings.

It was so intense, I’d start thinking a thought, or feeling a fear, and then I’d get this surge in my heart, as though I would burst if I didn’t say it. Then I would say it and Wayne would smile, as though it was music to his ears to hear the truth of what a woman felt.

From that weekend, we continued to share, to talk and he was always so surprising in that he always called, always connected, wanted to hear my thoughts and fears, wanted to learn and grow together.

It has been the most healing transformational experience, to love and be loved in return.

I sometimes feel this comes across as cheesy, but for me when I believed most of my adult life that love was not for me, this love has brought such joy.

I do believe we can change, even the most rigid of beliefs, my teacher Yogi Bhajan said “There is a way through every block”. In fact these blocks are the diamonds that create our character and help us to feel the gratitude and blessings of life and to have empathy for others.

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So Thank you. Thank you Guru Ram Dass and Yogi Bhajan, Fiona Smith, Andrew Wallace and Danielle Marchant and all my friends and family and Wayne, and of course my beautiful self.

SAT NAM.

It’s Cool to BE Kind

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It’s Cool to BE kind, I  20 years ago wanted to make a bumper sticker of this statement. ( I am going to do this)! I’ve always felt that the most simple practise is that of BEING Kind. There’s no heavy early morning starts, not sanskrit to remember, no deep understanding of scriptures, just pure and simple Kindness. I was once told this story by a boss of mine…

One of the Dali Lamas highest disciples once asked him, please your holiness tell me your higest teaching, so the Dali lama invited the Lama to meet him in a sacred holy chamber that evening at midnight. I can imagine how exciting it must have been for that lama being “Special” enough to be let into the most profound sacred teaching. So at midnight he went and with a pounding heart to ask  once again the question, “What is your greatest teaching master”, the Dali Lama, bless his beautiful laughing soul, simply smiled and said Kindness. 

So this is my practise, not so easy always, and what I have noticed is it most definitely starts with my SELF.

In yoga they call it Ahimsa, meaning non violence, or not to injure, to have respect for all living things, and this starts with SELF, that the non violence must start within and towards ourselves.

I have had many times in my life when my mind has been full of self hatred, self loathing and doubt, as well as comparing, judging and blaming,  this is a deep seated form of violence that permeates our collective and I know this is the cause of  violence in our world.

In my experience when my cup floweth over, i,e I am full of love, joy, bliss, positive energy and belief, I have more than enough to share with every one. It feels easy, effortless and rewarding on so many levels. One of my most favourite activities is chatting with strangers, or shall I say people I don’t yet know, even that word stranger creates a sense of separation. So I love chatting with people who I don’t yet know. To transmit love through a smile, or a few words can make all the difference. I remember a moment when I had first had my baby, walking up Gipsy hill and feeling so very low that morning, heavy and lonely, I didn’t know anyone who had just had a baby locally.       As I pushed the pram up the hill I was kinda speaking with the unseen, I call it God, just sort of longing for a connection or a sign, as I looked up a bus passed and the driver looked in my direction and “GAVE” and it was a “GIFT”, he Gave me a smile, in that moment it felt like the unseen manifest in that bus driver gave me some love, letting me know love is everywhere, people were good. It changed my day, and so that then fed all the choices and actions I took that day, and it was 14 years ago and I still remember.

When we make eye contact  love pours from our spirit, there is now Neuro- science on this subject, that our whole sense of life and self pours through the eyes of our mothers or primary care givers when we are babies and we receive immense information that way. So our presence, our attention literally is love, and kindness.

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The Grateful Dead in the 60’s were at the front of the hippy revolution, and there was a culture beginning which was KINDNESS, in their songs, they’s sing about “She’s KIND”, like it was a great selling point, “He’s KIND” that it was a code word for a whole kind of person, that you knew a “KIND” person had a certain set of beliefs and an understanding of how the universe and life worked. It was a movement. Hippies nowadays are called fluffy, flaky etc… is BEING KIND flaky, I think not, I think it’s much wiser to be kind. In the work I have contributed to in leadership we explored with leaders the qualities of great leaders and kindness is up there with presence, charisma, confidence, curiosity, when I work with my clients this is the one I’m looking for, how do you treat yourself, your team, your people if you’re a company?

When I meet certain people occasionally, I just get that feeling, oh wow you’re KIND.  When I meet them, there’s a silent knowing, a recognition that’s so yummy.  I also want to say there are angels we will never know they were, and that just because you don’t wear kind loud doesn’t mean that each human being doesn’t have the capacity for great kindness.

I’m not saying I never get angry, I am sometimes unkind, not deliberately but because I am stressed, distressed or distracted or I’m not being kind to myself, BUT it is my practise, my joy, my instinct, my natural impulse to be it.

We can only be kind though if we are feeling that flow of loving kindness towards ourselves, it’s then oozing out of every pore. I also notice sometimes it can move to sacrifice, in other words I may not feel kind, or have the natural impulse, and then it’s a conscious choice to overcome my obstacles and be of love and service anyway. This has to be done without any hook and we do have to watch when we sacrifice that it is unconditional as I have noticed with myself if I “sacrifice” as I know it’s important to be kind, so I do it, but don’t feel it , I have grown resentment or wanted reward. In that case better to take care of yourself, get back to that place of overflowing self love, then it becomes effortless again. Just to close, when I have sacrificed and really got over my self, the reward is always profound, more than I could ever have imagined.

 

So BE cool, BE Kind, spread a little happiness as you go by…

In LOve

The Conscious Coach

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